Here i am....

I'll just give it a try. The first raw trip with the love of my life, after I spent four years trying again and again to get to know this person, to then eventually actually transform it into a relationship. Emotional, because obviously I also got a message from Kain that moved me deeply, and the argument this morning with Mama Antonia. These are all things that, in connection with where I'm driving through today, trigger things in me that move me. Logical, it definitely does something to me. Perhaps also because today, a year ago, I found out that it wasn't somehow a temporary break to find herself, but that she's with the man or got together with the man who had been standing between us for two years, more or less, without her wanting to define it. That's hard, definitely. Nevertheless, I'm happy, happy about the situation that I'm here and that I'm following through with this. And this isn't an escape, but rather a return to myself, to what defines me, to what's important to me. And yes, it's hard to allow emotions while at the same time staying in love. Namely the love from within me. Nothing else. I hadn't even considered at all that today, on the way to Bosnia, where the drama basically began, because she was already working at the new company there. And our first week when we were in Bosnia, at the pyramids, really only the company and everything that went with it was in the foreground. This is a real beast. I have no idea why I'm putting myself through this, and somehow I do. It is what it is. I can't change it. I tried. And when this form of change or the attempt to make this change happen and take the person with you who's important to you, and they reject it without even giving the possibility to discuss it in any way, then I work it out with myself alone. And my way of working it out with myself is this journey. I want to heal. I want to experience again, in the full extent of my being, what surrounds me. And this letting go of everything doesn't just concern the love of my life. It also concerns everything else around it. All the arguments, partly with you all. All the accusations, hostilities, non-commitments. I just don't have any desire for it anymore. Living in the moment means, exactly that, living in the moment. And that includes, among other things, allowing these emotions. And as I look at this huge bay, these are the last two pictures before the moon blossom. It flows through me completely. With such force. It's incredible. And in the meantime, it's quiet in the background for the first time. Of course I'm standing here on the street. And I had breakfast first. Because as I said, this morning without Wednesday, Antonia escalated. I somehow have a knack for addressing in people exactly what they're most afraid of. And yes, that's what makes a good sparring partner. To stick with my favorite sport. I was never good as a competitor. As a sparring partner, certainly outstanding. And that's exactly what it is, I think. To show what potentials exist in the people who face me. And who really want it. Rieke described it pretty well a few weeks ago. It's crazy. It's really crazy. And I'm happy to have gotten André, basically assigned by the universe, someone who has had to experience this more intensely on his journey, who's been allowed to. And who's now joyfully accompanying this journey of mine. And building a website that in turn enables me to take along those who want to be part of it. Some of you will be there. Some will drop out. Just like the Family and Friends group. I'm gone. Yes, at the beginning with over 100 participants, so to speak, has already condensed. Shrunk. To currently I think 56. How do I feel about thinking so intensively about emotions and letting others participate. And in the future it will be that I won't even know some of the people. And yet I'll be connected with them. That does something. Definitely. I have no idea whether I'll put the voice message in the group. No idea. I'm capturing the moment. And not just because it moves me so intensely and is so challenging, emotionally. But because it's also a piece of memory for myself. You don't need to worry. I'm not suicidal or anything now. On the contrary. While I'm sitting here crying and composing this voice message, I'm looking at this incredibly beautiful place. And I'm sure that one or another has been in exactly such situations before. Whether it's because some song is kryptonite for them. Whether it's because they've lost their dearest people. Whether it's because the chaos around them threatens to drag them down. And people are sometimes barely able to deal with these emotions. People who it drives so far as to stick a gun in their mouth. To throw some pills down their throat, hoping that all this chaos, all this madness will end with it. I've been in that situation three times. And on the last cartridge, "life" was engraved. That's pretty crazy. I think I'll linger here for a little while longer. To then really get on my way to Visoko. Or Visoko. Or however you pronounce it correctly. That will be a place I'm curious about. Not because I associate things with it that happened in the past. But to experience what it's like, now, today, in my state, in my consciousness, to experience this place anew. And not just somehow block out or suppress the actually burdensome elements. But to experience them anew. I have no idea whether I'll have the courage to throw this thing out into the world. I'm curious whether I'll muster the courage. Phew. To really share this with you. Have a good time. Until next time.

Tempura, Champagne, sometimes, sometimes fish film, sometimes Gucci. I'm doing well. It took a little while, I'm grinning again, completely. Sometimes dancing and sometimes little lights. Sometimes, sometimes little tears, sometimes it's flying maybe also a bit at the music generator. 150 pack cookies. And sometimes... And? Sometimes New York, sometimes London. Sometimes, sometimes sharks. Certainly also in my attitude. Sometimes Tokyo, sometimes Paris. Sometimes neighbor, sometimes with ice. Sometimes shows, sometimes attention. Sometimes, sometimes weekend, starting Monday. Sometimes, sometimes all chicks. And sometimes nothing at all. This is the life. And I know that this is the life. And I don't know if it'll last much longer. But as long as it's still here for a while, I enjoy it every day. And I know that this is the life. And I don't know if it'll last much longer. But as long as it's still here for a while, I enjoy it every day. Sometimes falling, sometimes crying, sometimes. Sometimes rather not go outside, sometimes. Sometimes afraid of being left. Sometimes I miss my father. Sometimes bickering, sometimes hated. Sometimes, sometimes staring, sometimes on the street. Sometimes insulting, looking away. Sometimes shut up, bite through. And this is the life. And I know that this is the life. And I don't know if it'll last much longer. But as long as it's still here for a while, I enjoy it every day. Wow, that's beautiful. Wow, that's beautiful.

Rieke, I just stopped because I'm now leaving Kroatien, read your text with tears in my eyes. Great, thank you so much. And the funny universe sends me exactly that song. I'm now taking in the last images of Kroatien. Yes, I know all that. And just because I know it doesn't mean I have to keep it to myself. Because I know that you know it too. And I think that's what's beautiful about it. This trust that everyone now carries within themselves. Each individual. Oh, look what you've done, you've hurt yourself, you haven't hurt anyone. I cried, I cried, I cried for so long, you've hurt yourself, you haven't hurt anyone. We miss this December, we miss it like hell, we miss these games, these stupid games, this locked heart, it shows, the sins, the sins, the sins are breaking down, the sins, the sins, the sins are breaking down, after leaving Berlin, Zerbst, Warmsdorf, the Elbsandsteingebirge and everything from Kärnten until now behind me, I'm looking forward to everything that lies ahead of me, thank you, thanks also to Hexeina for her wonderful text, which I've now read in the meantime, folks, you're amazing, I think it's great, thank you, now come the last images from Kroatien, big hugs for all of you, be love, because then you are human.

Funny! This is the universe. Random generator. So you get a sense of what I'm actually dealing with here. This is the next song. Okay, now come the pictures.